I prayed for strength
by Kane Shi Megami
Summary: Kagome does the only thing she can to make Inuyasha happy again. I know this had been done countless times but I had to get this out of my system. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A.N: Okay, I have no clue what came over me to write such a depressing fic, but I have to get this thing out of my head before I can continue with any happy ones. Basically I was re watching Inuyasha season one and the episode where Inu sees Kikyo after she was first brought back depressed me! So here goes nothing….

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I prayed for strength.

Every morning when I woke and every night when I went to sleep; I asked the gods to be kind to me and give me the strength to go on living the life I was leading. I asked for the strength to understand his actions, his emotions, and his loyalty to a woman who wished to change him.

I knew it from the beginning that he loved her and he always would. But I was naïve, I thought that maybe he could learn to let go and find happiness once again. I should have known that first day she was resurrected that his happiness would always be with her.

It hadn't been soon after he ran off to find her that I had awoken. Shippo pointed me in the right direction and I was concerned so I followed. By the time we found him he was lying on the ground and with a heartbroken voice speaking, saying that it wasn't suppose to be this way.

And it wasn't.

Inuyasha was a caring person with a good heart that deserved so much better than the anguish he was currently feeling. Hadn't he suffered enough? But I learned through the years, every time her soul collectors came calling, his heart broke over and over again, at having to see his love as part of the undead and not alive and with him.

And every single time he came back with that damn expression on his face. The sorrow written all over his face and aura. Yes I was mad and the sad part was, I had no right to be, I had no claim on Inuyasha because he belonged and always would to another.

And though we fight and he promises to never go see her again I know the truth. He would go. He will go. Because he loves her.

And no matter how hard it is to act as if it was okay, I did it, because he'd suffered enough, he doesn't need to deal with me mad at him too.

He needs me to be there for him and I will be, or so I said. And now as we've come so close to the end of our journey, I know what I must do to make him happy once again.

Inuyasha happy. Two words that are meant to be in the same sentence. It is so rare to see him happy, he'd let his mask slip off from time to time and let the boy inside come out to join the fun. I love to see his eyes light up, I love the raw emotion in them because I thought it made him look more alive than anything.

However, there is another emotion that makes him look more alive, one that was never meant to be seen by anyone else but her. When he looks at her there is love in his eyes. And he's always most beautiful when he looks at her in love.

Laying on my bed now I weep, because the gods have not answered my prayers, I've grown weak over the last month and I curse myself for every allowing my feelings for him run so deep.

But it's over now; I know what I must do.

I go to my desk and make sure the letter for mama is there before making my way to the well house and jumping in for the last time.

The sky is beautiful, illuminated by the many constellations and stunning full moon. Pulling myself out of the well I quickly begin searching for her, although it's never been difficult, we do share the same soul.

Every now and then I'd be able to detect her, and when she was near my chest always seemed to hurt more.

It wasn't hard to find her at all, she was where I'd caught her many times, at the tree to which she'd pinned Inuyasha, with her soul collectors all around her making her seem more like a goddess than a dead priestess.

She turns to me, I am sure she could detect me as well and her gaze never waivers. Although I know she does not know the true nature of my meeting her here.

"Kikyo," I address her with as much normalcy as I could muster, "I am here to return your soul."

This time I do get a reaction although it wasn't what I'd hoped. Her brows furrowed and she looks at me with distrust although that is common for her, after all Kikyo doesn't trust anyone. She turns her back to me and continues to admire the tree touching the worn away bark of where Inuyasha laid prisoner for 50 years.

"I do not have time for your games _girl_." She spit out the last word as if I was a vile whore that deserved no respect. However I had already made up my mind, Inuyasha would be happy even if I wasn't alive to see it.

"I am not playing; I am here only to be close as I pass over." My voice was determined and maybe even a bit angry but I didn't care anymore.

"Stupid girl, I will not kill you, I may be not of the living but I am still a priestess."

"Yeah, one that collects souls of the dead." The temperature seemed to be rising and I felt more energized than I had in months, why was she making this so hard? A year ago she wouldn't have hesitated to kill me and now she was playing the innocent. "Once I give you back your soul then you won't have to take anymore, you'll be complete again."

A moth collided with a blue energy field and it was the first time I noticed that she had even put up a barrier. Shakily I reach behind me to my back pocket and grab a cloth, one that has my release.

I open it and inside is a gorgeous dagger that Sango had given me a long while back. She told me that I may not always have my bow and at least I would have some extra protection, and even though I thanked her over and over inside I told myself that I would never need it because Inuyasha would always protect me.

She turned back, her gaze grew colder as she watched me never speaking and I held the blade over my left wrist. "Kikyo, this won't take long, however I have only one request in exchange for our soul."

"And what is that?" Her face still cold however her voice seemed genuinely interested, was she so eager to get back her soul?

"My only request is that you continue on with Inuyasha to help him find the jewel and when it is complete I ask that you……that you….." Why was this so hard? Why couldn't I stop crying!

"I ask that you settle down with him." I half whispered my body starting to emotionally self destruct.

"What do you mean?" her voice matched my own and I had to wonder if I'd imagined it. I laughed and sobbed at the same time anger finding it's way back.

"I want you to be with him okay! I want you to marry him! I want you to give him the life he deserves! I want you to give him what I can't. But I don't want you to ask him to change for you."

"I see, you want me to marry a half-demon and bare his children." I could hear the annoyance and disgust in her voice, as if I was just asking her to bed Naraku.

"Yes you stupid bitch! Is that so hard to understand! He loves you why can't that be enough for you!"

I barely had time to detect her movements before she came at me and slapped me hard. "Do not ever speak to me that way again. If you wish to give me your soul then do it, I will not promise you anything."

She was there; right in front of my face with her expression as cold as I'd ever seen it and she glared at me and her eyes condemned me to hell. I sighed, I was defeated, but if there was a small chance that she had listened to an ounce of what I had said I'd take it.

Putting the pressure down on the blade I slid it across my left wrist before repeating it on the right with more trouble. Immediately I sank to my knees the blood quickly pouring out of my wrists. Funny, I would have thought I would hurt more to die but maybe the gods had been listening.

Laying on the cold grass it was then I saw Inuyasha. Oh no, he'd come too soon. He was shouting something and banging his hands on….a barrier? Kikyo's barrier. No wonder she had cast it, did she think I would lose my nerve if Inuyasha were here?

Surely she didn't think he'd stop me.

He pulled out red Tetsiaga and within seconds he was through and surprisingly he ran to me and lifted me into his lap.

"Kagome! You big idiot just what I the hell are you doing?" He was shaking me and I opened my eyes. When had I closed them? It was getting so hard to stay awake; sleep was beckoning me to its depths.

"It's okay Inuyasha, you're going to be happy again. This time things won't fall apart."

It was getting so hard to talk and why did he look so upset? Were those tears? Could he really be crying for me?

"What in the fuck are you talking about Kagome we've got to go back to your time, we've go to get you to a doctor."

I find the strength to move my hand to slide past his cheek, I image it's because I have no control in my hands that I cannot cup it. "It's too late Inuyasha, the more you move me, the quicker I'll go."

"No!" He pulled me into an embrace I knew that I could die right then. He was so warm and I felt so numb and cold.

"I'm so sorry Inuyasha, I'm sorry that I called back my soul from Kikyo." Did I manage to say that out loud?

"Kagome what are you talking about you're not making sense! Open your fucking eyes!"

Hm. I hadn't even realized I'd closed them again. "I'm sorry I called back my soul that day……the day that Urasue brought Kikyo back…….I'm sorry I dragged on the time until you'd be able to be happy again. I should have just died then."

His hand comes and caresses my cheek, it feels a bit wet, am I crying? Am I that close that I can't even feel the tears?

"Kagome No! Damnit open your eyes now!"

Only this time, I can't, I don't have anything left. "Inuyasha…….I…….."

I cannot leave without telling him first…….. "Inuyasha I love you."

And then I willingly allow myself to sink further into the abyss, at least I can still be part of his happiness, ……..through Kikyo.

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Okay so what's up? Like it? Hate it? Let me know…. Whew! I'm so glad that's out of my system now I can write happy little things again.


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